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Articles

The Formula Fan Defined

What a wonderful and diverse world modern Formula 1 is. It offers a mystique, a sexiness, that no other motorsport can offer. Exhaustive research and analysis is carried out every year on the people that make up the F1 audience. We're told F1 supporters are intelligent, articulate, usually affluent and posses a "worldliness" and sophistication that has seen multinationals clamouring over themselves, pouring billions into the sport to try and associate themselves with the F1 brand.



Well for the first time, I have conducted my own highly technical and scientific research (I spoke to a couple of my mates down at the pub) to compile the definitive F1 Fan study. This should be essential reading for all the marketing directors out there.

THE SCHUSCIPLE

Distinguishing Features:
?Exclusively wear scarlet red
?Know that F1 started in 1991
?Have had chin augmentation surgery

Located
?Everywhere - they're like damn cockroaches ? they just keep multiplying.

Favoured Products
?Anything endorsed by St Michael of Maranello

Favourite Saying
?I hope it rains, that will the "Rainmaster" at his best
?Schumacher is the greatest of all time because????.


?Schumacher is so great he could win in any car (this saying has recently been heard less often)

Marketing Tip
?If you want to sell something to the Schusciple, either paint it scarlet red, or feature a picture of the man himself ? no other work is needed.
?Be prepared to spend $8 billion (Schumacher's current rate for an endorsement)

OLD SCHOOL

Distinguishing Features:
?Believe Formula 1's glory days were circa 1520
?Juan "Johnny Come Lately" Fangio marks the decline of Formula 1
?Vehemently opposed to such ridiculous introductions as seat belts, brakes, helmets and engines.

Located
?Zimmer frame or public library

Favoured Products
?Gramophone
?Wireless (no not the internet connection ? radio)

Favourite Saying
?I remember when?????
?This will be the end of Formula 1

Marketing Tips
?Unless your client owns a funeral home or manufactures hemorrhoid cream, don't bother.

GREASE MONKEYS

Distinguishing Features:
?Lack of personal hygiene
?Pungent Odour (see above)
?Inability to communicate to the opposite sex
?Drive $2000 vehicles with $150 000 modifications
?Wardrobe consists of a variety of overalls (usually team colours)

Located:
?Head firmly buried in an engine or "performance" magazine

Favoured Products
?Anything that makes a vehicle louder (performance enhancement optional)

Favourite Saying
?No-one has actually heard them speak, other than some grunting noises

Marketers Tips
?Make sure all advertising has a big picture of an engine
?Use little of no text (due to illiteracy)

TECHNIUMS

Distinguishing Feature:
?Acne
?Thick Rimmed Glasses
?Bad Posture
?Pocket protector
?Usually single

Located
?In front of a computer

Favoured Products
?Any hi tech material known by an unpronounceable word

Favourite Saying
?McLaren's new engine material ? jargonium - is so advanced it's not even on the periodic table ha ha
?Pinnacle of Motorsport

Marketers Tips
?Any product or service should have the suffix of "ium"
?Ensure that advertising is placed is Modern Metallurgy and is written entirely in nonsensium

F1 DISCO BUNNIES

Distinguishing Features
?Easily distracted by bright shiny objects
?Will do anything to be associated with an F1 "insider" (even 5th reserve driver will do)
?Don't enjoy loud noises
?Think the pit markings are a really big line of their favourite chemical

Located
?Team hotels/motorhomes, usually in a perpetual horizontal position

Favoured Products
?Anything shiny

Favourite Saying
?If you can get me to meet Fernando I'll make it worth your while

Marketers Tips
?Any breast enhancement product

CONSPIRACY THEORISTS

Distinguishing Features
?Believe in the FIA = Ferrari formula
?Believe Max Mosley is trying to ruin the sport

Located
?In F1 forums posting latest wild plan of Mosley to destroy F1

Favoured Products
?Mifepristone

Favourite Sayings
?OK, so the 2006 Formula 1 season is exciting, that's got nothing to do with Max's changes
?No longer the pinnacle of motor sport

Marketing Tips
?Other than a "Max Is Satan" t-shirt not much you can sell this lot

WANNABES

Distinguishing Features
?Their cars have 5 point safety harness
?Wear a HANS device when doing the shopping or having a shower
?Disproportionately developed neck muscles

Located
?In front of the X-Box honing their skills for the pending call up to the show
?Nearest kart track honing their skills for the pending call up to the show

Favoured Products
?Any Formula 1 branded product

Favourite Saying
?F1 is the pinnacle of motorsport
?Kimi has great racecraft
?I could do better than Ide

Marketing Tips
?Stick an official Formula Logo on any piece of crud and they will lap it up

GRID GIRL CONNOSEUR

Distinguishing Features
?Calluses on the inside of their hands
?Blurred vision

Located
?In front of a computer screen downloading "adult" entertainment
?Nearest girly bar

Favoured Products
?KY ? Gel

Favourite Saying
?Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Marketing Tips
?Stick a picture of a gorgeous babe on any piece of crud and they'll buy it.
?Also largest consumer segment of "enlargement" techniques.

Article Source: http://www.

articledashboard.com.

.

Spud publishes his own twisted F1 website. A Twisted Look At Formula 1 News. The world of Formula 1 will never be the same .

.

By: Spud



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